Thanks to Kelley for the lyric that makes the ideal title for this post. I wanted to tell you the story of my first love. Everyone has one, and it always leaves an impression on you for the rest of your life. Mine was no different, and it left me with an air of magic that I carry with me to this day. It made me believe, right from the beginning, that there is something more than what meets the eye to this world, and that impression has helped shape who I am.

Part one:
I was ten. Ten was a very transitional period in my life. Just about every aspect of my life changed that year. And then you throw Laura into the mix. But I'm getting ahead of myself. This was the year that my parents decided to enroll me in a private school, because I just wasn't fitting in in public school, and I just wasn't getting along with school. Most of my life I've felt like I was on the wrong planet, and my school experience up to the time I was in 4th grade only strengthened that notion. Also around this time, My Dad, brother and I had just returned from the first of our 2 big cross-country road trips around the USA. We had just logged over 5000 miles in our station wagon over two weeks, so when my Mom told us that we were going down to Charlotte for the weekend, the two hour drive felt like it was just a short hop around the corner. The destination of our jaunt was my Mom's old college roommate's house in Charlotte. Supposedly I had met or known her and her children since my birth, but I had no memory of any of them when we arrived. Perhaps I had been too young at our last meeting for it to stay with me. But what did stay with me was the first impression made on my by My mom's friend's (Ellen) middle daughter, Laura. Now you all know how foggy my memory gets after just a few hours, much less 24 years (ouch), but I'll retell it as best as I can remember it, with as little embellishment as possible. As I remember it, Laura singled me out right away. I think she tackled me and started a tickle fight. That's the way to make an impression on a 10 year old boy. We were inseparable that whole weekend. It freaked me out. I'll spare you all the cliches about "how I didn't understand what I was feeling" and so forth and so on. But I still remember very vividly what I was feeling that weekend. Now, I've heard people say that they don't believe in love at first sight, but they believe in lust at first sight. Well, this was not lust. I was ten. I didn't know how to lust. There was nothing sexual at all, it was on another level altogether. I can't describe it. But I still feel the impression it made, to this day. I remember going to "Discovery Place" with her and our siblings. That place will always hold a special place in my heart. Since we were 10, our parents didn't see a problem with us all sleeping in the same room (along with my older brother and her younger sister) or sharing a tent together in the back yard. I still remember how she slept with her head on my shoulder that first night. Or, when a strange dog wandered into the yard the second night (while we were in the tent), how she pretended to be afraid and jumped into my sleeping bag. And most of all, I remember how I was pretending to be asleep while she was writing unknown messages on my bare back with her finger. I didn't know what to do or say, I wasn't prepared for something like that to happen. I was sitting in the back part of the station wagon as we pulled away from her house, waving goodbye until she faded out of sight. I think I gave her my address and asked her to write me, but I don't remember. She wouldn't write me, though. At least, not for a while.

Part Two:
I was 16. I had been having a series of strange dreams. I know, nothing unusual for me, but these seemed to have something specific in common. They all brought back a sense of things as I had felt them on that weekend 6 years prior. These dreams seemed to be telling me something that I couldn't quite understand. And I got the strange feeling that they were from Laura. It seems odd, but that's the impression I got. By this time, I had attended that private school for four years (all of middle school) and was now back in public high school for 2 years. It was towards the end of my sophomore year.  During my years at the private school, they had actually given us a seminar on meditation and the use of creative visualization to bring about change in your life by visualizing what you want. This has always been an effective technique for me. So I decided to employ this meditation technique in an experiment. I had already decided that I was getting dreams from Laura, and so it was time to send a reply. So one night, I got myself into my meditative state, and envisioned myself flying out my window, down the driveway onto the street, and I visualized every turn on the road that led to Laura's house, which I remembered. I visualized her house, flying in to her window, seeing her asleep in her bed, and I projected my thoughts into hers. Here is what I said:

"Hello, I don't know if you remember me or not, but I've been having these strange dreams lately and I've gotten the impression that they were from you somehow. If you have been wanting to contact me, you should".

And, in the dream, I gave her my address and phone number.

Two weeks later, it was the Monday after Easter, I got a letter from her. I still remember that day. I was riding home from school with my brother and he stopped at the mail box. He pulled the letter out of the box and teasingly said something like "OOOOH! You got a letter from Laura." (He knew that I had liked her, all those years ago). It seemed as if the world screeched to a halt for a few seconds. No sounds, no breathing, my vision faded. Had she actually received my dream? Had my insane meditation experiment actually worked? Did she have lingering feelings for me after all these years, too? All of these things were running through my mind simultaneously in a big jumble. I'm tempted to go get the letter, which I still have, and reprint it in full. But I'll spare you. Yes, I'm a sentimental fool. In the letter, as I remember it, was Laura, somewhat awkwardly re-introducing herself and telling me about herself.
She was apparently quite pleased to receive my reply within the week. We began to send letters to each other weekly. I was awash in uncertainty and still not knowing what to do. Eventually it was decided that we would get together. The initial, unofficial plan was for me to borrow a car from my parents and go see her for the weekend and go to Carowinds (amusement park). This wasn't shocking, since our parents knew each other quite well, and were actually pleased that we'd taken an interest in one-another. The plan was shot down on a technicality, however. Since I had only recently gotten my driver's license, my parents would only let me go if my brother went with me to drive. My brother would only go if he could bring his girlfriend. And, if my brother was to bring his girlfriend, it would have to be a day trip, and the plans for a weekend were scrapped. I was bummed, because Laura had been wanting to play piano for me, since I had sent her tapes of my playing guitar. So the big day arrived, but it didn't arrive without first robbing me of my senses and riddling me with unnecessary fear. We retraced the route that I still remembered over the two hour drive to Charlotte. Picked up Laura, and we were off to Carowinds. But, for the whole day I was gripped with senseless fear. When it was obvious that the time was right to hold her hand, I was afraid. When it was obvious when she huddled up to me on the roller coaster that I should put my arm around her, I was afraid. And when we were saying goodbye and it should've been painfully obvious that I should kiss her, I didn't. Every opportunity that presented itself, I either didn't recognize, or was afraid to capitalize on. So as the same station wagon pulled out of that same driveway I once again watched as Laura faded from sight, only this time there was no wave goodbye, as she turned to go back into the house. Over time, her letters became less frequent. We lost touch for a long while. Then, through chance, she met my good friend Reuben at NC School of the Arts one summer, and, coincidentally, wound up living a few doors down from him in college at Duke (I've always like smart women). So I went to visit Reuben one weekend, with my good friend Kelley in tow (She was very interested in Reuben at the time, and they are still close friends as well). This was another 5 or so years later.  Reuben invited Laura over, and we all had dinner together, but whatever spark there had once been, she had left far behind. So, the first of my soul-mates was lost to me forever. She wouldn't be the last. But that is a story for another time...